Intricacies of life

I remember it hurt. Watching her lay still, with her hands clasped on the side and the rosary beads dropping to the ground in a kind of pre-determined sequence as if to say “your time is up.”

My maternal grandma has always been my favourite. She was like a second mother to me and I used to look forward to going to my hometown primarily because of her. There was something about that kind demeanour that made her so special. Everyone in the neighbourhood loved her as well. She was a chirpy,  bubbly, strong –willed woman who faced every challenge without cringing. Having lost my grandpa at a pretty young age, she raised five children all by herself. Needless to say, she was extremely independent. Grandma was an exceptionally pretty woman, she had pitch black hair which was always braided and a bespectacled face which gleamed with generosity. She was warm and passionate, always ready to help.

I vividly remember how she used to lay on the couch watching T.V, asking me to massage her legs for a toffee in return. This I would happily do because I genuinely loved her so much. I think she played a major role in moulding me into the person I am today. I suppose she liked me a lot too(she always saved the best sweets for me) as opposed to my cousins. This was probably because I only visited her once in a while but the fact that she made me her top priority for that stipulated period of time was enough to make memories that would last a lifetime.

Not to mention, grandma’s food was the best too. She was known for her fish curries and pickles that became popular throughout Mangalore. Mother always told me she wishes she could be like her and since then grandma has been my vital source of inspiration. Even though I was only  a kid back then, she encouraged me in whatever I did, urging me to do things that made me happy from the inside. She would sit with me while I worked on my homework and would also correct my mistakes. I guess some bonds in life are infallible. I think that was the nature of ours. I think even during moments of silence , we were perfectly comfortable knowing exactly what the other person was thinking. As she grew older, she spent more time lying around. I could see her suffering. She never chose to go to the doctor, for she believed in the old adage ‘what has to happen, will eventually happen.” This hit me like a thunderbolt out of the blue, I wasn’t able to comprehend the underlying meaning of the statement. I know that death is an inevitable part of the endless circle of life, but how can you be at peace when you know your days of mortality are coming to an end?

“I’m going to die soon”, she said one day. It was as though some voice inside her had told her that her time has come. In the evening, we found her lying down in her usual position, eyes shut and a wide smile spread across her face. She was in a world of her own. Of late, I have learnt how to deal with loss. This one was  really hard on me. I think everything happens for a reason and it also plays a major part in determining the course we choose to take later in life. I spent days crying in my room when she left us, but this made me a stronger person in return. My memories of her might be slightly hazy now but I know they will last a lifetime.